What are you?

Monday night is review night at my blog. Every Monday I will do a recap and review of True Blood and Mad Men. If you haven’t seen the shows from the night before there will be spoilers. First up True Blood season 3 ep 5

We open entering the king of Mississippi’s mansion. No mention is made of how they got there from the apartment or where Alcide is. Bill tries to stake the king but his efforts are futile. Eric then talks Sookie up to make her more valuable to the king, protect her, and ingratiate himself to the king so that he can kill him. Bill is then sentences to be killed by Lorena. We need to stick with this story but instead we head back to Merlotte’s for Arlene and Jessica drama and Jesus and LaFayette’s date. Boring.

Jason and his new dream like girl are making out in the woods. He then annoys her somehow. She then sniffs like an animal. I wonder what she might be?

Back at the mansion sookie has no idea that Eric just wants to kill the king because the king killed his parents 1100 years ago. She also has no comprehension of the fact that you know vampires have super hearing and that making plans in the kings house may not be the best idea. Sookie is really dumb sometimes. As we shall see later in the episode. The king slyly buttons up after handling his husbandly duties and dismisses the Viking.

Back at merlotte’s Jessica feeds on a customer after scaring Arlene and her garlic supplements. Lafayette has gone back to his house with the opposite of Satan an have a steamy scene in the vette. Their romance is interrupted by some hicks our favorite v dealer pissed off a couple of episodes ago. Jesus leaves after learning of this nature of his paramour. So that was pointless.

Back at the manse sookie and the king engage in a game of twenty questions. The king shows sookie the file that Bill has been keeping on her. Of course she still pines for Bill. Of course she has only known him for six weeks and truly has brought her nothing but trouble.

We now go to the slave quarters where Lorena has turned into Dexter and has Bill chained up and is ready to slice him up like turkey. She tries to get romantic but Bill basically calls her out for the monster that she is. She cries and laments.

Tara is tied to a bed and then in walks my favorite character on the show, the psychopathic, clean shaven, Franklin Mott walks in the room for some vamp on human romance. Tara plays along trying to figure a way out. Tara now knows that sookie is in the house and then bites Franklin probably giving her a nice v high.

Talbot and Eric are playing some old cars game when the king and sookie enter. Sookie is thrown in bill’s old room when Tara thinks something that she can hear.

Eric and the king are in a limo flirting and discussing wolves. Of course then the king dreams of conquering humans and reminisces on his days with hitler. This is the key piece of info that galvanizes eric’s belief that the king killed his parents. They are off to see the queen

After the brief interlude with Lafayette and Jesus we are in the queens palace where she is doing scratch off tickets. The king proposes to the queen. She implicates herself in framing Eric and rejects the kings proposal. She has a change of heart when the older and stronger Viking threatens to rip her head off.

Back in the slave quarters Lorena and Bill have a good heart to heart about the good old days. We learn a little about her maker. They cry and lament some more. Coot and Debbie come in to score some v. I do believe that it is out of character for Lorena to let them drink from Bill. I was waiting for her to rip the wolves heads clean off. Alas that never happened and we went to Tommy and Sam. Woohoo.

Tommy has to dogfight for his momma. Wow this story is really boring, has three characters we don’t care about, and is way out of pace with the awesome vampire stories. Melinda and Tommy should not be on the screen by themselves without someone from the first two seasons.

Tara makes a break for it by macing Franklin. Too bad she didn’t chop his head off. I think he might just wake up angry.

Instead of seeing where Tara is going we next see Jason go to his mystery ladies house. Even though he shouldn’t actually know where she lives since the only other two times he had seen her was in the woods and her truck. Apparently she is engaged to the idiot that was beat up by Lafayette. Jason finally gets the hint and leaves.

Apparently we had to do that so that Tara could change and clean up. She has no blood on her and her robe is gone. She fools Swayze and frees sookie. They head after Bill and Tara refuses to save his dead ass. Of course sookie says he made not be dead yet.

Sam learns of the dog fighting scheme and tears out of the parking lot past Jason who comes across his young doppleganger, who he proceeds to beat up. Jason recognizes that there is no difference between them.

Sookie gets to the slave quarters in time to see Coot and Debbie high on v. Tara is running the grounds when she sees Alcide. I guess he made it out of his apartment. She asks him if he has a car. We all know he doesn’t have a car, he has a big box truck with no windows in the back. Something perfect for a vampire daytime escape. Sookie goes into the slave quarters to find Bill mostly dead she professes her love for the vamp she has known for a month. Off course Lorena breaks up the tender moment and scene.

This episode was choppy. The vampire bits were awesome and are favorite Viking was in top form. Once back in Bon Temps the action slowed to a crawl. The scenes were too short. Heck Sam and Tommy didn’t show up until the last twenty minutes. Did they really need to show up at all? Being bothered by things like what happened to Alcide or why Sookie is so dumb are pointless. But all I ask for are more scenes with Eric threatened decapitation and less with new characters we don’t care about.

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About timothysutton

Hey, I'm Tim. I am a native Marylander. I did live in South Carolina for three years when I became a gamecock. I believe in a smaller government and a debate on how to make that happen. I drink bourbon because I am an American and it is my God given right to imbibe on such fine nectar. I need a new bookcase because of my obsession with reading. It helped me pass the time when I was young and my mother wouldn't let me go outside. Between that and all the bacon she put in the green beans it is a wonder I don't weigh 300 pounds yet. I hope you like what you read and let me know what you think.
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